As the Spirit Moves Me
by Pam Burns-Clair

Let Go-Be Happy

January 25, 2006

It’s a heck of a time to be a liberal—someone who wants to see honesty and integrity restored in politics, who cares deeply about the environment, whose ideals include health care for all, high quality public and higher education, equal opportunity, etc.  I needn’t preach to the choir.  PJ tries to put it in astrological perspective for us, but some weeks are just hard to bear, she readily admits also.

Each week it seems we’re dealt a blow. This month it’s domestic spying that us liberals see as blatantly, outrageously illegal and threatening to our core freedoms…the Abramoff scandals, blatantly and exclusively fostered and endorsed by the Republican Culture of Corruption, and the
looming pending confirmation of a Supreme Court Justice who has been described by one columnist as the Babe Ruth of Evasion.

I find myself going through daily bouts of tightening upon either hearing the news or being triggered in conversation or thought, and deliberately or by distraction, letting go.  The inner dialogue goes something like:

I HOPE they’ll find the courage and consensus to filibuster—surely they see this candidate’s transparency and alignment with the corruption of this administration—no, that’s wishful thinking, that’s liberal West Coast thinking, get ready to tolerate yet another appointee you don’t approve of, albeit for a generation or 2 to come.  Just let go and focus on the beauty of the earth…your blessings—your kids, your family, your abundance and the good fortune of being among the have’s, relatively speaking, with food in the cupboards and gas in the cars and a dishwasher and cell phones and a kid in college…Focus on the latest little victories and perks: we had 2 days of sun in the midst of all this rain…Haley thanked me for a great breakfast this morning—I made her scrambled eggs in an English muffin sandwich…and she was ready for school 5 minutes earlier than her usual last minute scramble (maybe it was the breakfast, huh??!)…the washing machine got fixed yesterday and works again…Chelsea got the classes she wants at college and loves her new apartment…I managed to fertilize my perennial flowers over the weekend that are starting to bloom…I roasted some delicious vegetables last night…Bob said yes to a friend’s offer for our family to join hers in the snow next month…my high school buddies took me to a delightful tea in SF for my belated birthday last weekend!  There—that’s much better!

Thinking back to other experiences of letting go in my life, it always is the remedy.  Recently I’ve gotten along better with my mom as I turn over her destiny to fate instead of fretting about and pestering her about being more aggressive or strategic about getting into the retirement home she’s on the waiting list for.  Who knows if she’ll ever get it together to pack up and put her house on the market or whether, if she doesn’t, she’ll be able to afford the retirement home without income from her house, but it doesn’t help either of us for me to worry over ‘what if…’

Turning responsibility for Chelsea’s life over to her as she graduated and left for college was and continues to be tricky—as she went through bouts of questioning her major last year…as she spent a couple of weeks rushing for a sorority which I was pretty sure wouldn’t be a match for her…as she fell in and out of love with a fellow dorm mate in the course of her first year at college and tried to maintain her footing…and now considering sending her off to Italy to study abroad for possibly a whole school year next year…but whenever I’ve managed to breathe and release my agenda, it always pays off.

My marriage is coming up on its 25th anniversary.  We would never have made it this far if we hadn’t incorporated letting go as a main ingredient.  We’ve managed to outgrow our mission to convert each other to be more like ourselves, and also managed to weave into our own nature a little of the other—I guess some of him has rubbed off on me over the years.  But it never worked to try to mold or reshape him, and I certainly wasn’t open to being reshaped!  We’re better friends and team mates for it.

So I guess politics is no different.  We mingled with some relatives at Christmas time that have a daughter between the age of my 2, and we really like their family, but she is a staunch president of the Republican club at her high school and is hoping to apply to a college designed for young Republicans back east.  In reflecting on her values (and those of her family) which are in stark contrast to ours, my girls conceded, “She would be an asset to the Republican Party, you know?”  They had a point.

You can care, you can get involved, you can speak your voice—thank God we still can—but when it starts to eat at you and make you turn bitter or anxious or angry, it’s time to Let Go—Be Happy, and put it in perspective.  “Enough is Enough”, my new DNCC bumper sticker says, and I have to remember to apply it!