As the Spirit Moves Me
by Pam Burns-Clair
The New Years Dilemma
December 30, 2005
New Years…most like to bring it in by partying and whooping it up…some like to meditate or throw the I Ching. But most of us also make some sort of resolution/s, if just that we vow to take off the extra pounds or detox from overindulgence of the holidays. But come February, we’ve abandoned our resolutions with little or no success. Why is this?? Year after year we make ‘em, and year after year we break ‘em! Answer: ‘cause our head and our hearts are not aligned. We know we SHOULD, we need to…but the subconscious gets the best of us every time. Until we factor that in, we fail.
How do we factor in what we’re not aware of?? By digging to find out its motives. What’s the payoff for UNSUCCESS?? I.E.—“But eating and drinking is so much fun! You want me to give up having fun??” Until we understand what the payoff is for noncompliance and find some way to honor that, we run amok.
So my resolution is for Simplicity and Order. My desk is chronically stacked up and backed up with papers and projects, right next to my computer. This is all in the same room as the Christmas wrapping and stored gifts have been strewn until yesterday, when I made a dent, not only in the Christmas wrapping debris but the closet where I keep ongoing gift wrapping supplies that had gotten out of control. The garage attic is both a marriage saver and marriage breaker—this is where the many boxes of Christmas decorations are stored, alongside the kids’ childhood paraphernalia that is of sentimental value…other holiday décor…camping equipment…costumes…etc. etc. My husband does not have this persuasion. Left to his own devices, his desk gets cleared near daily…he would not save gift wrap or ½ the paraphernalia I deem important or sentimental in the attic. He will be thrilled with my resolution, but I dare not tell him as it might give him ammo. I’ll just make sure he cheers me on as I make progress. (We don’t need someone breathing down our neck when we’re trying something new, ya know?)
I recently came across a book that offers insight as to why I’m like this—my style of organizing is referred to as The Harmonizer. This seems ironic: how do you be harmoniously disorganized? I recognized my mother as well—likely the roots of this weakness/trait. She is the packrat/collector queen! As an artist and a pleaser, she had to have lots of stuff on hand growing up, “just in case.” So I too like to have birthday cards on hand… articles on my desk for so-and-so…resources and records for the kids…even the Playbills from shows we’ve seen just in case we might want to look up the bio on a particular performer (recently Haley used the covers of these blown up as posters for her homecoming float—see, it pays to save this stuff!). It makes me (and my mom) feel comfortable having stuff on hand for a future occasion—like gift wrap! But where??
In order to be successful I have to contend with this payoff/saboteur as well as the practical, or is it the Feng Shui side of me that would feel more settled and at peace creating a visible surface on my desk or clearly labeled boxes in the attic…so the tissue and ribbons don’t fall on me when I reach for something or so I don’t find myself tearing through bag after bag in the attic in search of a costume, “I know there’s a red boa in here somewhere!” My husband doesn’t do costumes and he bought a gift wrap pack from Costco that would have sufficed for the entire list.
The third factor is getting into the present. As in NOW (not gift wrap!). As long as our resolutions are about “Someday I’ll get around to it…” “After New Years…after the trip…” etc. etc., we are not owning our intentions. We have to chip away at it today, right now. The outcome of clearing my gift wrap rubble was very satisfying, but the process was rather tedious. The attic is totally overwhelming. We have to break it up piecemeal and give ourselves breaks and little perks along the way. Ta da! And again—Ta da! We also have to catch ourselves in the act of avoidance, procrastination, rationalizations… “Woops—there I go again, over the shoulder…starting but not finishing a project…comeon, let’s get with the program and deal with it in the moment.” Little talks with ourselves—because there’s the intent and then there’s the subconscious saboteur who needs to be appeased, bargained with.
Well enough talk—I gotta get off the computer and get to my piles! (And wouldn’t you know, I asked my husband to come help with my printer and he inadvertently deleted my first attempt at this in progress…I guess I was meant to write it twice for the sake of my intent AND my saboteur!) Ask me how I’m doing come February.
Happy New Year!
From Pocketful of Miracles by Joan Borysenko, Ph D.:
December--Kindling the Light Within
December is the month in which all the forces of nature
are aligned to help us give birth to the Light within.
Midwinter has cast a spell over the land,
and all of nature sleeps.
Members of the human tribe gather by the fire to hear the old stories
by which the soul awakens
and finds its way back home...
[Ancient] stories are timeless reminders of the heart's true light--
compassion and forgiveness.
Listen to the voices of the Ancient Ones
who call from the deepest core of your being:
Guided by the Northstar and the Archangel Michael
The great festivals of Light--
Solstice, Hannukah and Christmas--
Beckon us to gather round and witness the birth of love within one another.
The earth turns,
and a mantle of peace Falls ever so gently over the land
blessing all creatures
great and small.
|
